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How to Build a Bad Relationship- Steven Leeds

Updated: Oct 5, 2021

How to Build a Bad Relationship by Steven Leeds

We all enter into relationships with certain communication skills. Some will lead to healthy ways of relating that will be mutually satisfying and some not. Some will last a lifetime and some will lead to an early exit. Most of the things we do, we do without actually knowing how we do them. We do them unconsciously.

If you are reading this blog, then you are probably someone who would like to improve your communication skills. But before describing how we can improve our relationships, I would like to start by describing ways that we harm relationships, others and ourselves.

This is a ”how to” blog. How to destroy a potentially good relationship or maintain a bad one.

Rule 1: Blame the other person for the way you feel. If you are upset, tell the other person that it is their fault that you are feeling bad. Never take responsibility and admit that you play some part in the interaction. Hold on to the bad feelings for as long as you can and see if you can make the other person feel guilty, so that you are not the only one feeling bad. See yourself as the victim. If you are the person being blamed, feel guilty and blame them back. Use phrases like, “It’s all your fault,” “You make me angry.”

Rule 2: Expect the other person to know exactly what you need without having to make it explicit.

And when it is clear that they have no idea, get enraged and start complaining and accusing them of not caring, because if they really cared they would know what you need without having to ask. And when you finally do express what you need, do it in bursts of anger. Then if the other person actually responds positively, do not let them off the hook. Tell them “If you loved me you would have given me what I wanted without me having to ask. I shouldn’t have to ask.” If they do not respond positively, do not mention it again. Think to yourself, “I shouldn’t have to tell them more t